Kiran's story: 'When my dad went to prison, I had to step up'
When Kiran’s* father went to prison, her childhood shifted overnight. At just 12, she found herself helping to hold her family together while trying to make sense of everything that had changed. She is one of more than 200,000 children in England and Wales with a parent in prison. Now a Pact Youth Ambassador, Kiran is sharing her story.
"Life was instantly turned upside down. The struggles came quickly – both financial and emotional. Having your dad in prison leaves a big hole."
I was 12 when my dad went to prison. I remember it so clearly. Mum picked me up after school and she had this worried expression. She told me that my dad had been arrested, and she dropped me and my sisters off at her friend’s house - I didn’t even know who they were. I stayed there until midnight, then my mum came to pick us up. She said the police were searching our house. I finally got home at 1am.
Life was instantly turned upside down. The struggles came quickly – both financial and emotional. Having your dad in prison is hard to cope with. It leaves a big hole.
But even with that big hole, I hardly thought about dad when he was in prison. I didn’t have the chance - I had to step up and be the second parent because my mum was left alone with four kids. Then I had school to worry about too, so I didn’t have time to sit down and think about everything. School gave me a chance to forget about it all and pretend that none of that existed. It was a lot easier that way. I realise now that dad being in prison has had an impact I’m still recovering from.
"I had to step up and be the second parent because my mum was left alone with four kids."
I love Father’s Day. When my dad was in prison, me and my sisters would scream ‘Happy Father’s Day’ on the phone, and he would be so happy. I once bought my dad a mug for Father’s Day, and I gave it to him when he came out. He loves it and he uses it all the time now. It’s a special day and we always celebrate it no matter what the circumstances are. I really appreciate what it means now. Me and my dad have always had a good relationship and him going to prison didn’t change how we feel about each other. I’m 17 now so my dad lost all those years to watch me grow up – I lost them too. I think there is a part of him that still sees me as 12.
"My dad lost all those years to watch me grow up – I lost them too. I think there is a part of him that still sees me as 12."
For other kids in this situation, you probably can’t see an end to it, but eventually you’ll come through it and be proud of yourself for being so resilient. My life felt really sad for a long time, but then my dad came out of prison and things began to get better. He was released in 2025 but still needs to wear an ankle monitor. I try to remember to be grateful and focus on the positives. It does get better, no matter how bad it feels now.
"People in prison and their families need to know there are organisations like Pact out there – people who remind you that you’re not alone."
At the beginning, we didn’t know what Pact was. My mum found them and a really kind lady started visiting our house to see how we were doing. They really helped and supported us. I once went to a coffee mornings with her and everyone had been through similar things. It’s so hard to find people who understand.
This is such a tough situation for families and not everybody gets the support they need. People in prison and their families need to know there are organisations like Pact out there – people who care, who will help, and who remind you that you’re not alone.
*Name changed
Kiran is one of our Pact Youth Ambassadors. They draw on their lived experience of having a parent in prison to help shape how services and systems respond to young people’s needs.
By sharing their perspectives directly with those working in government, HMPPS and community services, ambassadors ensure that real experiences inform decision-making and drive improvements at a policy level.
